For Stephen

Quite some time ago, I once raised a question in front of some of my friends including Stephen. “Upon death, if you have to choose between vanishing into absolutely nothing and to go to hell, which option will you choose?” Forgive me for forgetting what Stephen’s choice was (I always had bad memory); nonetheless, I believe that most chose to fade into eternal emptiness than to embrace the agony awaiting them in hell. Sure, which sane person will wish for pain?

Perhaps Shao had a serious thought between the two choices. He must be f**king stupid.

Of course, coming to think of it now, the question I asked actually had a few underlying assumptions that I didn’t bother to address back then. By vanishing into absolutely nothing means that one will no longer sense or feel anything, not even his basic existence. One will feel neither happiness nor grief; one will not even feel oneself anymore. Perhaps it doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Or shall I put this another way? If you are feeling that the person(me) who is writing this shit is stupid and weird, GUESS WHAT? You can’t feel that if you choose to vanish into nothing, simply because you don’t even exist anymore. On the other hand, if this piece of junk writing can lighten up one’s miserable day in hell, well, CONGRATS, at least the poor soul can feel something in hell. Hence, by choosing the former option, you will surrender your one and only hope to feel and to sense. Technically, you’ve also surrendered the word “hope” since you will not exist anymore, not in a million years, not even when the whole solar system falls apart……

My point is that feelings and emotions, regardless of good and bad, define me as a person. Surely joy and excitement makes me feel alive, but then… sorrow and despair also reminds me that I am alive, just in a miserable way. And I believe that the most important thing for a person is to feel alive, to know that his soul still exists. For all that I know, pain is relative. If you always fail your test papers and get mocked by people around you and feel miserable. However, if you always got below 30 and this time you received a score of 40, even though you still failed, you actually achieved an improvement which may eventually turn into the slightest bit of solace(a positive feeling). Similarly, if you are banished into hell, you will probably suffer from pain everyday; nevertheless, if today’s suffering is somehow less than the suffering you had yesterday, you may actually feel relieved(another positive feeling). The crucial element here is “hope”. When you feel alive, be it in your unlucky moments of your life or even in hell, you still have a future that lies uncertain. Thus, there is always hope – Who knows? Maybe one day God just become extraordinarily merciful and promote you into somewhere better… As long as there is future, there is Hope.

Pain sucks and suffering is bad. But you know what’s worse – Not being even able to feel pain or suffering!

Well, now Stephen probably wants to ask me: Why the f**k is this writing addressed to me? My reason is simple. You may feel that you are trapped in the lowest point of your life, struggling between despair and confusion, but need I remind you my friend: at least you are still alive! You are worrying about your future; what if you can’t find the guiding light of your life which directs you to success? What if you can’t find the meaning of your life at this very moment? You hate these feelings and you wish to be happy. However, bear in mind, these feelings too define your life. If from the first moment you were born everything you ate was sweet and you never tasted sourness or bitterness, then you will not even know what sweetness is. A candy is sweet if it is compared to a piece of lime, but it isn’t as sweet compared to pure sugar. Ultimately, you need these upheavels to define who you are. So stop complaining about how miserable life is, and start realizing your greatest advantage: you have a future that you can work on to make yourself happier!

For the rest of you, some may argue: “How do you know what hell is? You’ve never been there. How do you know that there are only two options? I am definitely going to heaven! Blablabla…..”

Well, for those surely going to heaven, congrats and good luck to you when you walk up the Stairways to Heaven and enter the Pearly Gate, or if you choose to embrace 72 brand new virgins… I’m happy for you. For those who question me what hell is – personally I just assume it to be a place of suffering in one’s afterlife, as that is also our common conception of hell. Besides, the centre of this writing is not to debate upon the existence of afterlife, physicalism or dualism, it is only to show that pain is also essential in one’s life.

Gosh, guess the effect of beer is kicking in. So I better end here.

Think about my question again, what is your answer?